Choice

Smoke hung in the air mixing with the loud clink of bottles and celebrations with each strike - just another normal night at a bowling alley. I stood behind lane seventeen watching and waiting as the last game ended. Dad's scoresheet had seven X's with three ending the game. He high-fived the guys before spotting me.

"Nice game." 

"That's how your old man rolls." A man interrupted to hand him the jackpot winnings for the last game - $120 in a jumble of one's, five's and ten's. 

"Yeah." The smile on his face was jarring - bowling and fishing were the only times he seemed to smile.

"What brings you out here? You need something?" The smile melted away as ours eyes met.

"I wanted to talk to you." My stomach was a knot and my mouth was dry. I had played out this moment over and over as I droveI was ready for a confrontation.

"Is that right?" He looked down at the wad of money, counting it twice before placing the bills in his wallet. When I was little I had attached the smell of a dollar bill to him, and it still reminds me of him to this day.

I stood quietly, suddenly frightened - his temper was legendary plus he had been drinking. You did not challenge or provoke when the brown liquid flowed, but I pushed onward into uncharted territory (for me).

"Hey, I'll be back, the first round is on me!" He yelled at his fellow bowlers as they meandered towards to the bar. The red head bartender winked at him, I wondered if they were still hooking up even though he had recently married a much younger woman. He turned and walked away with his well-known gait that I can only explain as very George Jefferson-esque as they were both around the same height.

I followed him out the glass doors to the parking lot. A few cars idled before heading home. We stopped in front of my red VW Beetle - he hated the car.

"You still driving this piece of shit with that lawn mower engine?" He looked with disgust at my ride.

"At least it is easy to work on." I put my foot on the front chrome bumper and pushed the car up and down.

"What did you want to say?"

"I talked to Eddie, you have something to say to me, just say it." I suddenly felt like an adult.

"What do you mean?"

"He told me what you said about Camille."

"Did he?" He cupped his hands while lighting another cigarette. He took a long draw while putting the Salem's and Zippo in his shirt pocket. I noticed it was a soft pack and not the hard pack with flip top like people who smoked Marlboro's - I did not smoke.

"So, you didn't say anything to him?" I had not actually heard anything from Eddie - we never talked, but mom had relayed the information. She loved the drama, and I was positive she agreed with dad. She'd never admit it as she seemed to hate him even after being divorced almost twenty years.

"You need to date your own kind, they okay to fuck, but that's it." It was another long pull on the cigarette before flicking ashes to his right.

"They?"

"You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

"Don't be fucking stupid, I'm trying to help you. You got a little taste of pussy and think you know everything. Let me tell you, it's all the same."

"I know what I want." I suddenly felt like an alien, wondering why I was there arguing with this man that had beat and abandoned most of the family. 

The parking lot was suddenly empty with only a few cars remaining, we were surrounding by the dark silence. Fall was here and I could faintly see my breath while talking, like we were both smoking. It reminded me of the fake bubble gum cigarettes of my youth, they had some sugar powder that had one good puff. Nobody would allow such a product today.

"He agreed, he tell you that? Everybody agrees."

I stared at him knowing he was probably right. Then again, everybody was scared of him.

"Yeah, you forgot to talk about that, you alone on this one - make the right decision." The cigarette dropped to the asphalt before being crushed under his black half boot. He fished another one out of his pocket and lit it. The clink of the lighter echoed.

"What does that mean?"

"It's me or her."

"You won't like the answer."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, you lose this one, as usual."

"You'll realize you are wrong eventually."

"Fuck you."

I could see his right arm move and I only flinched mentally - I was proud of myself. He stood with cigarette dangling on his lip and just stared at me before turning and disappearing in the bowling alley. I exhaled when he was gone, suddenly needing to pee but knowing I could not go in, it'd have to wait. I briefly considered relieving myself in the parking lot next to his car before driving away. It was the last time we talked for six months.