"Do we have to go?"
I nod yes as a knot forms in my stomach.
"I tell you what, we go next year, and in the meantime I buy you a few new models and we can hit a couple car lots next week."
I drop my chin to reveal the answer.
He opens the driver side and slowly exits, walking to the front of the car where she waits. His head is dropped as he touches here hand, he points to the car (me) and they both look my way.
I feel embarrassed, ashamed, but it is their fault. He promised to take me to the car show at the fairgrounds for the past three months. It was the one event we did together - we both liked the old cars and I loved hearing him talk about them.
He had enough money to get us in the show, pay for parking and some food - it was going to be a great day. That is, until Linda showed up. It always seemed like a contest between myself and her. I only saw him a couple times a week and she was always around, so why not back off?
You wanna know the truth? I really don't care much for the car show - I mean, the cars are nice but I am too young to drive. I enjoy spending time with dad while he works on his or somebody else's car, but it is nothing I would do alone.
I sit in the passenger side of the car (front seat as it's only him and me). I steal glances at the standing at end of the hood talking - hugging one minute, kissing another and then completely separate. I sit reading my book, waiting. After an hour or so he is back in the car and slams the enormous door of the 1972 Ford LTD. He stared at the steering wheel and slowly turned to me and said "well, you owe me one, let's go to the car show."
I did not feel like I owed him anything. In fact, the familiar nervous feeling had returned (did it ever leave?) He did not want to spend time with me, I was a prison cell for him. I want to tell him to go to whatever he wants (mom says that is what he does anyway), but where would that leave me? I'd be alone. Why couldn't one weekend be relaxing and straightforward and no competitions? Just once is all I ever asked. Well, at least he sober today - love it when he's clean and we have normal conversations and no worries of how to get home.
I nod yes as a knot forms in my stomach.
"I tell you what, we go next year, and in the meantime I buy you a few new models and we can hit a couple car lots next week."
I drop my chin to reveal the answer.
He opens the driver side and slowly exits, walking to the front of the car where she waits. His head is dropped as he touches here hand, he points to the car (me) and they both look my way.
I feel embarrassed, ashamed, but it is their fault. He promised to take me to the car show at the fairgrounds for the past three months. It was the one event we did together - we both liked the old cars and I loved hearing him talk about them.
He had enough money to get us in the show, pay for parking and some food - it was going to be a great day. That is, until Linda showed up. It always seemed like a contest between myself and her. I only saw him a couple times a week and she was always around, so why not back off?
You wanna know the truth? I really don't care much for the car show - I mean, the cars are nice but I am too young to drive. I enjoy spending time with dad while he works on his or somebody else's car, but it is nothing I would do alone.
I sit in the passenger side of the car (front seat as it's only him and me). I steal glances at the standing at end of the hood talking - hugging one minute, kissing another and then completely separate. I sit reading my book, waiting. After an hour or so he is back in the car and slams the enormous door of the 1972 Ford LTD. He stared at the steering wheel and slowly turned to me and said "well, you owe me one, let's go to the car show."
I did not feel like I owed him anything. In fact, the familiar nervous feeling had returned (did it ever leave?) He did not want to spend time with me, I was a prison cell for him. I want to tell him to go to whatever he wants (mom says that is what he does anyway), but where would that leave me? I'd be alone. Why couldn't one weekend be relaxing and straightforward and no competitions? Just once is all I ever asked. Well, at least he sober today - love it when he's clean and we have normal conversations and no worries of how to get home.
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